So, according to researchers, if you want to be healthy you have to be in an environment where you are accepted and are free to have flaws. You also have to love yourself, have compassion for yourself and accept yourself. Why, because if we are going to be healthy, we must connect, and if we are going to connect, we must be vulnerable with each other.
This TED Talk from Brene Brown is the best I’ve heard in a while. Are you somebody people can be vulnerable with? And do you struggle with vulnerability? You’ll enjoy this.
I’ve made some notes under the clip. Peruse them as you watch and listen.
STUFF I GOT FROM BRENE BROWN:
• We are here to connect. It’s hardwired into our biology. It’s the driving force in the human personality.
• Shame unravels connection. People who do not experience shame cannot experience connection. Shame is the enemy of connection.
• In order for connection to happen, we must allow ourselves to be seen. We must overcome our shame.
• A sense of worthiness is connected to a sense of love and belonging.
• People who have a strong sense of love and belonging BELIEVE THEY ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND BELONGING.
• What keeps us out of connection is the feeling we are not worthy of connection.
• People who are living out of a sense of worthiness are “whole hearted.”
• Being whole hearted means: 1. Having courage. Courage means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Whole hearted means we have the courage to be imperfect. 2. They have compassion for themselves, and therefore have compassion for others. And lastly 3. They have connection. As a result of accepting themselves and having the courage to project who they really are, along with having compassion for themselves and others, they were able to be authentic, and therefore connect with others. They were willing to let go of the idea of who they should be in order to accept who they were.
• Connected people believe that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful. Connected people are willing to say “I love you” first and to take relational risks. They are willing to get hurt. This is fundamental to a connected person.
• We numb vulnerability because it scares us. We overeat, drink and escape the risks involved in actually connecting with other human beings. Connected people don’t numb vulnerability.
So, the questions I’m asking myself, which are very painful:
• Am I somebody that people can be vulnerable with? Do I create a safe place for people to be themselves and therefore connect?
• Am I willing to be vulnerable, even though there is no guarantee? Am I willing to love with my whole heart?
• Can I practice gratitude and joy in the face of rejection? In the face of risk?
• Am I communicating to others that they are enough, even as they are?
• Do I believe I am enough? Do I believe I am worthy of love?
• Do I understand that my belief I am worthy of love directly connects with my ability to connect with and love others?
Are you afraid to be vulnerable?
Do you believe you are a safe person people can be vulnerable with?