Do You Believe You Are Good at Relationships? The Question Matters.

Donald Miller

I’ve had a couple friends speak into my life who changed it dramatically. Both of them told me something on the same theme: “Don, you are good at relationships.”

At the time, I thought nothing could be further from the truth. I was going through a painful breakup in which I’d made enormous mistakes. I was terrible at relationships.

Today, though, I no longer believe this is true. And partly, I don’t believe it’s true because I had friends around me who refused to see me in black and white or good vs evil terms. They saw my mistakes, but they also saw my abilities and innate goodness.

As I grew out of those painful experiences, I began to believe what my friends told me. I wasn’t bad for the world. I wasn’t bad for people. I could contribute. In fact, years later, in another relationship, I started to believe I was as good for her as she was for me. I started to believe that my relationships weren’t about me receiving something from others only, but me giving them something they needed: love, encouragement, wisdom, time, dignity and so on.

*Photo by Pat Murray, Creative Commons
Today, I don’t believe I am bad for people, I believe I am good for them. Of course I make mistakes, but I tend to surround myself with gracious people.

This has changed everything for me. Once I believed I could positively affect a persons soul, a person’s feeling about themselves, I became a better friend all the more.

This year, the quality of our relationships will increase when we realize that not only do we have wonderful, amazing friends and family and spouses, but we are also amazing for them. When their hearts are dark, we can bring light, when they’re tired, we can offer rest, when they believe they are terrible for the world, we can look them in the eye and say “the world would not be as good without you.”

Quickly, make a few little notes of why you are good for the people around you. This will help. You’ll find that when you understand your own ability to bring joy to people, you offer it and further fulfill what you believe about yourself.

What if you’re really good at relationships and just don’t know it? What would happen if you started believing it?

Make 2013 your year of successful, deep, rich, meaningful relationships. Best to you.

What is it you bring to relationships? What are the things people say you most positively contribute to their lives?

Donald Miller

Donald Miller

Donald Miller is all about story. He helps people live a better story at and grow their business at Follow Don on Twitter (@donaldmiller). To read more of his posts on the Storyline Blog, click here.