How to Love Valentine’s Day Even if You’re Single

Donald Miller

I used to not like Valentine’s Day all that much. It’s not like I was bitter or anything, I just felt especially single on that day. It’s like I was a normal guy all year, then suddenly I was extremely, extremely single.

Ever felt that way?

And if I were more honest, more self aware, perhaps I’d have known then I was a little lonely. I didn’t feel lonely, but looking back, I felt a little incomplete.

Somtimes you don’t know you have a toothache until the dentist fixes it.

I wish I’d known then, though, the loneliness and feelings of awkwardness were serving a terrific purpose.

*Photo by Photologue NP, Creative Commons

Did you know God actually wants you to feel incomplete and lonely for a season?

It’s true. I know it stinks, but that’s exactly what He wants.

If you read through Genesis, you’ll notice God makes man and then, much later, makes a woman. And so for a long season, God made one of the sexes go without the other. By design.

So in the text, God sees Adam and Adam can’t find a helpmate suitable. He’s lonely. He’s incomplete, in a way.

But after God states clearly Adam is lonely and incomplete, HE DOESN’T PROVIDE A MATE! No kidding. He actually ramps up the tension. He actually makes Adam’s loneliness worse!

Instead of proving a mate, God tells Adam to name the animals. And it turns out, that’s a lot of work. There were thousands of species, likely, so we are talking about a year, maybe two, maybe even ten years or more of life without a soul mate and a partner.

And it was worse than you and I can imagine. It’s not like he forgot to get Eve’s number after her met her. She didn’t even exist. In fact, no women existed. He couldn’t even imagine what it was he was pining for.

In Adam’s story, none of the animals were meeting his deep needs. The monkeys were entertaining but terrible conversationalists. And the house cat wouldn’t even make eye contact.

And after all that work and time and loneliness, God put Adam to sleep. After years of allowing Adam to feel lonely, God created Eve.

And it’s a moving scene. For the first time in Scripture, the text breaks into poetry. Adam says, “Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”

He’s saying:

She’s like me! She’s like me!

Would Adam have broken into song if he hadn’t had to experience pain and suffering? It’s doubtful. We tend to value most that which we have to work to attain.

Today, I value my sweetheart so much more because of all the confusion and hardship I had to endure being single. I don’t talk about my romantic life much because it’s hard to read gossip about yourself on the internet. But I will say, all the hardship was worth it. She’s like me, indeed.

On Valentine’s Day, when the hard feelings come, just know they came to Adam. And they only ended up blessing him in the end.

I hope you name animals with dignity, excellence, patience and humility.

People who have this attitude about waiting for and searching for their soulmate make the best soulmates anyway, right? I mean isn’t that the kind of person you want to be with – somebody who puts themselves out there, is happy for others, and has patience and trust that somebody great (that somebody being YOU) is out there being just as positive as they are?

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody. God be with you today.

Donald Miller

Donald Miller

Donald Miller has been telling his story for more than a decade, now he wants to help you tell yours. He’s helped over 1,000 companies clarify their message through the StoryBrand Workshops. For an introduction to what he’s doing now, check out the 5 Minute Marketing Makeover.