The Best Way to Respond in Times of Doubt

Bill Lokey

It is a normal day, you answer the phone, and in an instant everything changes.

First comes the surreal moment when you think this is not really happening and then the landslide of reality crashes in. “Oh God, no!” As your hands begin trembling you know it is real.

You pray. You pray hard. You pray on your knees. You cry while you pray, you plead, you bargain, and then… then our heart gets revealed. If nothing changes or improves we [...]

Stop Making the Same Mistakes – An Expert Talks About Why We Struggle to Change

Bill Lokey

Do you feel like you’re repeating a pattern over and over in your life that you can’t seem to change or you feel stuck in? For instance, maybe you keep getting into the same kind of unhealthy relationships (or avoid relationships), you repeatedly say something you regret when you get angry, you rarely finish things that you begin, you lose confidence in yourself each time you find it, the jobs you take are unfulfilling, sabotaging your own success becomes the norm, etc. Whatever it is, at times it seems overwhelming and impossible to change. In these situations the problem is [...]

Some Advice for Anybody Having an Extra-Marital Affair

Bill Lokey

It happens and it really stinks. You’ve been married for years and suddenly you find yourself attracted to somebody else. Maybe he or she works in your office; maybe you even met them at church.

A long conversation turned into a test-flirt that got rewarded and then the touch of a hand and pretty soon you’re talking about how to navigate some pretty serious deception. Maybe you never thought it would go this far or you planned on stopping it before it reached this point but … you didn’t and now you’re cheating on your spouse [...]

How to Handle the Success of Others: A Psychologist’s Perspective

Bill Lokey

Most of us have experienced times when stories of other people’s victories leave us feeling angry or resentful instead of encouraged. Deep inside we have questions like, “Why doesn’t that happen for me?” “Why do my prayers seem to go unanswered?” We may even find ourselves avoiding their stories because they leave us feeling empty and alone. If this is where you are right now you’ve likely kept it hidden thinking that you shouldn’t feel this way and besides, you’re tired of hearing “easy” answers that don’t change anything. Ironically, the only meaningful answers begin where you are, not where you pretend to be. For the truth about hope is that it is usually discovered only when hope is lost. But to admit to losing hope is so frightening that we usually prefer staying hidden.

What if the answer is feeling the…

How to Live With Regret

Bill Lokey

What happens when your story hasn’t turned out like you wanted? When you feel there is a part of your story that you wish you could erase or edit out somehow yet no matter how hard you try, it’s there reminding you … accusing you.

I can feel good about where I am in my story and then out of nowhere something reminds me of harmful decisions I made in the past and shame hits me like the turkey buzzard that flew into my car on the interstate this summer. Feathers exploded 50 feet into the air like a giant pillow fight and cost me $2,500.00 in damage, though the bird fared a lot worse. One of the most painful things about looking back is…

Really, a Therapist? Why and When You Should See One…

Bill Lokey

I don’t know what you think about therapists or have thought about people who go see them but it may be that for some reason you are considering finding one for yourself now. If so, here are some considerations for helping you choose a…