I realized recently that I had a refrain of jealousy that was cropping up when I spent time with friends who had what I perceived to be a relatively large amount of leisure or rest time. People who took the time to, say, take care of themselves or work out or rest when they were tired. People who asked for help and took time for themselves. I had a nasty, withering “must be nice!” little twitch that became so common I had to admit it was about me and not about anyone else.
Our jealousy teaches us so much, if we let it. I wasn’t envious of anyone else’s marriage or home or car or even their writing success or speaking opportunities. What I wanted was other people’s ability to care for themselves. I wanted their space and freedom and rest. And so my envy guided me to my own deep need to slow down and care for myself well, instead of pushing so hard and constantly getting frustrated with the people around me who had the audacity to care for themselves instead of wringing themselves out like I had been doing for so long [...]